The Useless Items You Need (and Don’t Need) on Your Desk

You spend about as much time at your desk as you do in your bed. I know – depressing. That’s why you need to make your small slice of corporate real estate more than just your workspace. You need to make it your second home.

The majority of your desk is sadly going to be used for work garbage. You know, your computer, your phone, and your stack of papers that you’ll eventually get to. These things make your desk sad. To counteract it, get stuff that’s not sad.

Here’s what you need – and what you don’t – on your desk.

Need – Some sort of toy

No matter how old you get, toys rule. They’re fun, colorful, and show your co-workers that despite the fact that you look like an adult, deep down, you’re still a little kid. Toys at your desk can be a great stress reliever. When you need to look away from your email for fear you’ll punch a hole through your monitor, playing a quick game of solo Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots or having a couple yo-yos on hand (pun intended) can be the difference between keeping your sanity and a total office meltdown.

Don’t need – An analog clock

Hi, it’s 2016 calling. Please stop telling time in the stone age. You have a computer right in front of you, right? Your phone is probably next to your left arm, right? These are your clocks now. Your desk is valuable real estate. Don’t clutter it up with antiquated technology. And let’s be honest, you can’t read that old school clock and we all know it.

Need – Pictures of children

Having pictures of kids on your desk is a must – regardless of if you actually have kids. These pictures first and foremost prove that you have a life outside of work, even if the reality is you go home stare at the wall and sob into a lean cuisine. This is what stock photo websites are for.

Don’t need – A bowl of candy

This is where I get controversial. A candy dish has been an office staple since the desk was invented. So why am I hating? First off, the candy bowl is a terrible investment. You’re feeding people treats and getting nothing in return, which leads into the second reason: expectation. Once you put out a candy dish, you’ll be expected to keep candy in that dish. If you don’t, you’ll probably get fired, or at least have your pay docked. The last reason having candy at your desk is a definite don’t is because it’s desperate. It’s like bribing people to come over to your desk and talk to you. You’re better than that. Make friends for who you are, not what you can give them.

Need – A conversation piece

A better way to interest people is to have something on your desk that causes people to stop and look. A full grown cactus, a framed internet meme, something large and vintage … you get the picture. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it represents you and can kick up a conversation with even the most humdrum coworkers.

Don’t need – Those balls that constantly hit back and forth forever

I think they’re technically called perpetual motion balls. I know that they’re perpetually annoying. Unless you’re a millionaire super villain who wants to watch the world burn, you don’t need them. They’re click-clacking metal choking hazards from hell, and they should be destroyed. Having these on your desk doesn’t mean you know anything about science; it just means you’re impressed by simple things.  

Anything on this list I missed? Let us know!

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