Most of you know our partners. A lot of you know our designers. Some of you know our developers. Do any of you know our in-house gnome? Didn’t think so.
Everyone, meet Bumblewink. Bumblewink, this is everyone. *handshakes**polite nods**forced smiles**small talk*
I know what you’re thinking. That’s just a tiny statue of a gnome. Umm, gnome it’s not (nailed that pun). Bumblewink is the heart and soul of Revel.
Let’s start by talking about gnomes in general. Gnomes are magical creatures who come from various works of fiction, under children’s beds, and the more remote parts of Norway. They are best known for their beards, cunning, portly body shape, pointy hats, and affinity for relaxing in other people’s gardens.
Historians debate over the exact date of Bumblewink’s birth. Judging by the rings around his belly, experts estimate he is roughly five to 5,000 years old. I realize that’s a pretty big range, but it’s all we have. There aren’t a lot of good belly ring reading experts out there.
He hails from a small village in northwestern Narnia. His name is derived from the ancient gnome language, Gnomenclature, and means “One who shuts one eye suggestively and bumbles.” Gnomenclature isn’t a very creative language.
From day one, Bumblewink’s mother (who also had a lovely beard) knew he was special, even if the rest of their village did not.
Throughout his childhood, poor Bumblewink was ridiculed for being tall, muscular, and hairless. None of the gnomeboys would hang out with him and not a single gnomette would give him a second glance.
Little did they know, Bumblewink would change the course of history …
After Bumblewink graduated from Gnomewestern University, he did what all young gnomes do – left home. We don’t know all the facts about Bumblewink’s extensive travels, but from conversations with him, we’ve been able to surmise the following:
It is rumored that our hero convinced the Pharaohs to build great structures in the shape of his hat.
A princess named bumblebees after him. That one is pretty obvious.
He invented the pocket so he could have somewhere to casually store his hands.
It’s said he helped Buddha get over his body-image issues and find nirvana.
He chose the spelling of the word “gnat.”
He broke up with Mona Lisa the day before she was supposed to get her portrait done.
Legend has it, he invented a game while exploring China with his good pal Marco Polo.
On a dare, he convinced this sailor guy, Chris, that the earth was round. Turned out to be a lucky guess.
He decided how pizza should be sliced. Again, using his hat as a guide.
He ate a lot and got fat … Ok, I guess that one isn’t that unusual.
After years and years of traveling the globe (as gnomes generally do), he decided to settle down and open his own business. What type of company can a gnome operate? That’s a very good question. There are very few gnomentrepreneurs because most gnomes are incredibly lazy. The most notable gnome is Roaming, who opened up an online travel site (you may recognize him from TV). He’s a total jerk though, so don’t use him. He’s not even that fat, and I heard he uses product in his beard.
But back to gnome-business. Like everything with Bumblewink’s life, there is an element of mystery surrounding the particulars of how he made his fortune. What we do know is that it involved stealing underpants and making profit. Here is a short video that will (hopefully) help explain:
South Park Underwear Gnomes Profit Plan (full) from Jane Lu on Vimeo.
Now Bumblewink is rich. Accept it, and let’s move on.
After the Industrial Revolution, less and less people had well-tended gardens. More people lived stacked on top of each other in cities and were buying their food from stores. This upset Bumblewink very much. He felt the world no longer needed him, and thus began a horrifying downward spiral.
Then, the details start to get fuzzy, again. Some say he went back home to Narnia. Some say he became an undocumented worker in Santa’s sweatshop. Some say he fell in with some bad Oompa Loompas and became addicted to candy gumdrops. Some say he was thrown in the trash. Some say he shaved his beard and tried to pass as a hobbit. Whatever the case may be, Bumblewink was gone.
You might not know this, but gnomes are keen observers of the human condition. They can often be found lazily staring at humans as they go about their day-to-day lives. While they may appear to be mindlessly staring off into space, in fact, they are constantly judging, calculating, and evaluating every move we silly humans make. But I digress…
A fresh-faced designer named Pete caught Bumblewink’s eye when he decided to shun the mecca of civilization known as the East Coast and move to a remote West Michigan village located near a body of water that couldn’t decide if it was a spring or a lake, so they just called it Spring Lake.
After observing Pete for a while longer, Bumblewink was delighted to see that Pete’s favorite activity was sitting around outside.
“This is someone I can work with,” Bumblewink thought to himself.
I’d like to tell you that their meeting was this dramatic scene full of disbelief and wonder. That would be a lie, though. Bumblewink just sort of walked up and said hi, Pete said hi back, and they just sort of started hanging out. It was really anti-climatic.
Over the following years, their friendship grew. They sat outside a lot and Bumblewink taught Pete all the wonderful things that come with having a gut and beard. In return, Pete introduced Bumblewink to beer.
Which was a huge mistake.
Never give a gnome alcohol. I repeat: never give a gnome alcohol.
Their tiny, fat, magical bodies can’t correctly process it, and they become little demons who are hell-bent on destruction: breaking things, committing crimes, screaming at people, making overly aggressive comments to family members, and worse. Watching Bumblewink during a bender is how Steven Spielberg came up with the idea for the movie Gremlins.
After a couple unsuccessful stints in rehab, Bumblewink seemed like a lost cause. Nice going Pete.
One particularly bad day, a drunken Bumblewink appeared out of thin air behind Pete as he sampled wild mushrooms in the woods. Bumblewink – being a drunk butthead – leapt up, snatched a mushroom from Pete’s hand, and began to eat it right in front of his face.
That’s when it happened.
Suddenly, as quickly as flicking a light switch, Bumblewink wasn’t drunk anymore. He was totally back to normal. Could a simple mushroom stop Bumblewink’s madness in an instant?
Pete and Bumblewink immediate set out to testing the theory.
Several pounds of assorted mushrooms, several cases of whiskey, and several medium-sized dumpster fires later, the theory was proven. Mushrooms cure gnomes from drunkenness.
Whether it be portobella, shiitake, or magic, Bumblewink always has mushrooms on him now.
To stay off the bottle, Bumblewink came to Revel with Pete one day and never left. When he’s not eating mushrooms he can usually be found perched atop a desk inspiring creativity with his stern-yet-kind look. If he’s not doing that, he’s probably giving Ando beard advice or teaching Steve the true meaning of vintage.
It has been a long, winding road for our beloved Revel gnome, but we’re glad he’s here doing what he does best – nothing. We honestly don’t gnome what we’d do without him (nailed that one too).
Now that you’re so intrigued and fascinated by this, why don’t you come on in and meet him yourself?
Based on a true story.
